FAQ
We want you to enjoy our wedding celebration as much as we will. So in order to keep your (and our) sanity on November 6th, we have settled a few guides for our beloved guests (that’s you!).
Frequently Asked Questions on Wedding Guest Etiquette
Frequently Asked Questions on What to Wear
Frequently Asked Questions on Church and Reception Location
Frequently Asked Questions on R.S.V.P.
Frequently Asked Questions on Gift Registry
Frequently Asked Questions on Wedding Guest Etiquette
Q: I got an invite but have no plans of attending; should I still send a gift?
A: First thing’s first. If you won’t be able to attend for whatever reason, please RSVP. A big chunk of the wedding budget goes to the reception and it will be utterly inconsiderate to just give up a reserved seat without letting the couple know. Give them the chance to assign that seat to another guest in their “waitlist.” Having that out of the way, let’s get to your question: YES, it is customary to still send a gift.
Q: The envelope bears only my name. May I ask if I can bring a date?
A: Don’t bring a date unless your invitation specifically says “and Guest.” Bringing unexpected guests is very impolite. Neither should you ask the couple’s permission if you may bring one or not. Don’t put your friends on the spot. We Filipinos don’t really like turning down people. So how would you know if their “Yes” means yes or not? Spare them that trouble.
Q: The invite says “Mr. & Mrs.” Could we bring our kids?
A: Never bring the kids unless “& Family” is indicated. Soon-to-weds don’t usually invite children for a good reason. Kids get bored or cranky during hour-long masses. Their tantrums might disrupt the solemnity of the ceremony. Weddings are usually formal events typically not appropriate for the little ones. To be blunt about it, inviting a child at the reception means added two mouths to feed – the kid’s and the yaya’s.
Follow-up Q: But my son/daughter is the bearer/flower girl. I’m sure it’s understood that my other child is invited.
A: Which part of the answer above didn’t you understand? Seriously, if the couple wanted to invite your other kid, they would have specified that on the envelope.
2nd follow-up Q: But I’m breastfeeding, I’m sure my friends will understand, won’t they?
A: Granting that it’s an infant and he or she won’t eat at the reception – let’s even assume that your baby won’t wail at the church – the answer is still NO! Not even if you’ve perfected the art of being a cow in a long gown. Four words: Breast Pump and Babysitter!
Q: I don’t have a clue what gift to give them. Any ideas?
A: The average Pinoy soon-to-wed would always prefer monetary gifts more than any other gift. It is the unspoken fact. We’re telling you now to make it easier for them to let you know what they REALLY want; unless they indicated that already in their invites which, by the way, is a very tacky thing to do.
If you’re not comfortable giving cash, you may ask the couple where they are registered (Gift / Bridal Registry) and choose from what’s listed under their names in the store. You can also ask them where they’re residing after the wedding and take the cue from there. If you know that they’ll be migrating abroad or living with their parents for the time being, a ref or another oven toaster may not be the most practical and logical gift.
Q: I’m convinced. So how much cash should I give them? I don’t want to give too little or too much.
A: That’s a hard thing to answer. It’s really a case-to-case thing. Try to put yourself in the couple’s shoes. How much should a guest of your stature give you without being branded a cheapskate? Also consider your relationship with the couple. If you’re good friends of the couple’s parents, you’ll probably shell-out more than if you were simply the bride’s Girl Friday.
Q: Could I skip the ceremony and head straight to the reception?
A: You can. BUT you shouldn’t! You are invited to THE wedding — that’s the part where they exchange their “I dos.” The reception is where the Receiving Line is. You can’t be ‘received’ if you are already seated in the hall, right? “Patay-gutom” is too harsh a word and we assure you that it is by no means what anyone would think if indeed you decide to go straight to the reception. But admit that it struck a nerve just mentioning the word in that context, isn’t it?
Q: Speaking of the Receiving Line, what should be the proper greeting?
A: Here’s the rule: Say “Congratulations” to the groom and “Best Wishes” to the bride. The reason behind is that “congrats” implies that someone has caught something or won a prize, and it is rather improper to imply that the bride “caught” the man who married her. If this rule gets mixed-up in your head come wedding day, just say the two phrases together and look at both of them. That usually works!
Likewise, saying “Good Luck!” no matter how pure your wishes are will also sound very inappropriate for obvious reasons.
Q: Nice try, but what if the couple makes a Grand Entrance and left the Receiving Line to their parents? What then should I tell them? Note that I don’t even know which sets of parents are whose.
A: Didn’t we tell you already not to skip the ceremony? The bride and groom usually walk alongside their respective parents at the very start!
Anyway, make your pleasantries short and sweet. Shake their hands and say “Hello! I’m (your name) and I went to school with (name of bride/groom) in (school’s name)/an officemate of (name of bride/groom) at (name of company).” They usually respond with “Nice meeting you.” Just smile, nod politely, and move on to the next person. If one replies “Hi! I’ve heard so much about you!”, simply smile and nod just the same. No lengthy conversation; just make small talk at most. If you can’t find the words to say, just smile again, nod politely, and move.
Q: During the banquet, is there anything I need to know?
A: Nowadays, the Reception Program usually have the guests on each table stand up and have their picture taken with the couple before being led to the buffet. This is done to resolve two issues of past weddings: (a) for the couple’s convenience and skip the tiring Table-Hopping ritual just to have their picture taken with all their guests; and (b) for the guests’ convenience so they won’t have to wait very long for their turn in the buffet line.
Keep in mind that Buffet is NOT synonymous with “Eat-All-You-Can.” Do not pile your plate full. Be courteous of those who have yet to be served. Don’t worry. You can easily go for seconds.
Q: I’m used to a Buffet setting, but what if it’s a formal Sit-Down Dinner? Which fork do I start with again?
A: You’re on your own, pal. Watch “Pretty Woman” again and see how Julia Roberts nailed it!
by: John & Benz Rana. Article originally appeared in print: 12.03.05
Frequently Asked Questions on What to Wear
Q: How do I know what to wear to a wedding? I’ve been to some that are very formal and others that are much more laid back.
A: No one wants to show up to a casual wedding wearing a formal evening gown – or worse, arrive at a sophisticated soiree wearing a sundress.
The time of the wedding should steer you in the right direction. Morning weddings generally require semi-formal attire (think skirts or pantsuits for ladies, button down shirts and slacks for men). An evening affair, however, is usually going to be more formal. Either cocktail attire (knee or calf-length dresses for women, suits for men) or formal wear (long evening gowns for women and dark colored suits for men) should be appropriate.
If the invitation says the event is “black tie,” this means all men are expected to wear tuxedos and women should wear long evening gowns. “Black tie optional” gives men the option to wear a dark colored suit instead of a tux – this is the route many brides and grooms take when they want their wedding to be uber-formal, but they don’t want to force their guests to buy or rent an expensive tuxedo.
The location of the wedding is your final hint. If the reception is going to be a backyard barbeque or a beach-side pig roast, by all means wear those khakis! If it’s taking place at a five-star restaurant or swanky hotel, formal wear will be more appropriate.
Q: Can I Wear Something Black or White to a Wedding?
A: The wedding is going to be a “Black Tie Optional” event, so in general terms, male guests are requested to wear long sleeves and tie. Suits are not required for the guests, but they can if they want to. For the ladies, it is requested for them not to wear white or black dresses. It is customary that the bride is the only person dressed in white, so please do not do anything to upset the bride.
Q: I picked out a gorgeous vanilla colored gown to wear to a black-tie wedding, but my mom tells me the color is inappropriate. Is it?
A: Yes! Even the most laid back bride will be upset to see another lady in white at her wedding. Even if your dress is not white white – any shade is inappropriate. It’s the bride’s day to shine – please don’t steal the show. Save that gown for a formal dinner or exchange it for one in another shade.
Q: What does Black Tie Optional means?
A: This dress allows those who wish to go all out and dress in black tie to do so, but provides leeway for those who wish to dress a little less formally. This option is generally well-received because it means that men who don’t own or want to rent a tuxedo need not feel compelled to do so. Men can opt to wear a dark suit instead of a tuxedo, but a black, dark navy, or dark grey suit would be the best choice. Men should dress as formally as they can, short of actually wearing a tuxedo. Women can dress as formally as black tie, but can also get away with a shorter, cocktail style dress.
Frequently Asked Questions on Church and Reception Location
The Transfiguration Chapel of Caleruega
Brgy. Kaylaway, Batulao,
Nasugbu, Batangas
Q: How do I get to Caleruega Chapel?
A: By Private Vehicle
Via South Superhighway:
- Take Sta. Rosa exit.
- Proceed towards TAGAYTAY Market. Then turn right to TAGAYTAY Rotonda heading towards Nasugbu, Batangas.
- After passing through the welcome arch of Nasugbu, turn left at Evercrest Golf and Country Club.
- Follow the signs going to Caleruega Chapel.
By Public Transport
Proceed to BLTB or CROW Bus Terminal along EDSA in Pasay Board Buses going to any of these destinations: Nasugbu, Balayan or Calatagan. Get off at Evercrest, Batulao, Nasugbu, Batangas. Tricycle service is available at Evercrest entrance or it’s a 2 kilometers hike to Caleruega.
Q: Can you send me a map going to the church?
A: Download the Location Map Here
Frequently Asked Questions on R.S.V.P.
Q: What does R.S.V.P. mean?
A: R.S.V.P. stands for a French phrase, “répondez, s’il vous plaît,” which means “please reply”.The person sending the invitation would like you to tell him or her whether you accept or decline the invitation. That is, will you be coming to the event or not? Etiquette rules followed in most Western cultures require that if you receive a formal, written invitation, you should reply promptly, perhaps that same day.
Q: Why do I need to R.S.V.P?
A: For hosts who are planning a dinner party, a wedding or a reception, this is important from a practical point of view, because they need to know how many people to count on and how much food and drink to buy. More important, though, is the simple courtesy of responding to someone who was nice enough to invite you, even if it is to say that you regret that you will not be able to attend.
Not saying whether you are coming or not would result to the couple not reserving a seat for you. That would be embarrassing, wouldn’t it? However, if they do reserve a table for you and you have no intentions of showing up, the food and seat assigned to you could be wasted and instead, the couple would have allotted to someone else.
Q: Okay, I want to R.S.V.P. How do I do that?
A: To R.S.V.P, you may contact the couple through the contact numbers indicated in your invites. Better yet, use the Online RSVP Form here.
Frequently Asked Questions on Gift Registry
Q: We want to attend your wedding, are we required to bring gifts?
A: Of course not! Bringing gifts to our wedding is not a requirement. We want you to be there so you can share our joys as we celebrate our marriage.
Q: But I want to bring a gift. Is that a bad thing?
A: Not at all. As a matter of fact, we appreciate that very nice gesture of you giving us gifts during our wedding. Nothing beats that feeling of someone remembering you on a special day, just like the feeling of getting a surprise from Santa Claus on Christmas.
Q: Okay, I want to give you gifts. Do you have a list of what you like to receive?
A: We have been invited to weddings and we know how difficult it is to choose the best gift to the couple. Not only you think hard if they like to have a sandwich maker or a teapot, you also worry about the color, the size and to top it all, you worry that someone else might bring the same gift with exact same color. Not much of an original idea, is it?
Your presence on our wedding day is itself a precious gift. Should you wish to extend your kind generosity, we are registered at SM Department Store Megamall Branch and Rustan’s Makati. Just approach the Customer Service Section and give our names so they can give you the list.
Q: What is a gift registry?
A: A gift registry is a particular type of wish list. When someone compiles a list of items they desire and then hands it out to family and friends, they have created a wish list. These lists can contain items from many different sources. A registry, on the other hand, is limited to the stock of a given retailer. The retailer will maintain the list for the registrant and make sure that items are removed from the list as they are purchased. Retailers will often make this list public to anyone who asks for it and will not divulge who has purchased the registered items.
Q: I will be taking public transport on our way to the wedding and I do not want to carry that heavy gift. When can I give you the gift the day before/after the wedding?
A: Yes. There is no definite time to give gifts.
Q: I do not have time to shop. Do you accept cash gifts?
A: Yes, we do accept and appreciate monetary gifts. Monetary gifts are practical and you do not have to spend time to shop around, so in this case, it is a win-win situation. Again, you are not required to do so, it is entirely up to you.
Q: We brought you gifts.
A: THANK YOU! =)